i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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