I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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