I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
