I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize