i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
