We named our party play list daddy issues
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize