I'm gonna have a badass scar
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
