Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
