After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
