It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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