better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
