Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
