I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
