what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize