Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
