Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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