she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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