WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Randomize
