Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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