I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
