omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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