too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
