So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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