The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We were destined to go to rehab together
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
