apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i out mim tonsoeep
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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