No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize