Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
