That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
