I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
