We're facebook friends in real life
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
