Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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