just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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