I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm passing your future prison.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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