you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
