yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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