okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
