Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
