ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
is that a dick in a sweater?
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