she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize