worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So squirting runs in the family.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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