As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
