I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
