My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
birth control should be required to get into college
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
