So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
