Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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