chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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