Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
