garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
