I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize