I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
