y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
