He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize