I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
