i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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