I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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