im about as happy as oj after his trial
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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