just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
