Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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