I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
