I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
