Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
