Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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