Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
