i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
