what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
