He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
