my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
