I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
