My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
