If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
false alarm. still invincible.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
