so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
