One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
