when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Sext me about skeletons
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
