Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
